The Most Viral Videos Since the Dawn of Time (2004, to Be Exact)

Admit it: you’re supposed to be studying right now, aren’t you? But you just happened to stumble upon this list, and watching one silly video turned into watching five, and probably won’t stop until at least midnight tonight. Eh, that’s the best time to start a paper anyway. We know. We’ve been there. And that’s why we’re the best place to find a list of the top 5 Viral Videos of All Time! So, click on, enjoy, and neglect your responsibilities for the next thirty minutes or so. You won’t be disappointed! And that paper will still be there when you’re done…

5 Numa Numa, 2004

A viral video that predates YouTube? Believe it, fanboys. Here’s a little history lesson: before YouTube and Facebook, people shared links through emails. This dark age of pointless video humor produced a few classics — All Your Base Are Belong To Us, anybody? But none have stood the viral test of time as well as this silly fat man dancing in his chair with headphones on. One of the biggest things going for it is its unpredictability. With the songs foreign-language lyrics and Gary Brolsma’s eyebrow-dance preening, you don’t expect his hand to shoot up when the drop occurs. Credit where credit is due — one of the forerunners of the viral revolution.

4 Unforgivable, 2007

Unforgivable has a special place in our heart. You see, we went through a phase around here at Top 5 where we only spoke in Unforgivable quotes — “You better not have no little brothers,” or “Tell him I want a chicken sandwhich and some waffle fries… for free!” Trust us, the list goes on. It’s also a good thing that the main character can’t help but laugh at himself from time to time. Otherwise, it might be horribly terrifying. The other Unforgivables are funny as well, but it’s the original one with its off the wall story that hits home for us the most. Wash it down with a Dr. Pepper!

3 Chocolate Rain, 2007

One of the longest enduring viral videos, “Chocolate Rain” by Tay Zonday just turned five this April. Originally conceived as a rallying cry against racism, it still seems like more of a protest against self-awareness and song-variation. But Zonday has defended the video, arguing that if he could speak his arguments, he wouldn’t need to write songs. Now, if he could just learn to write songs, he’d be in the clear. The odd facial contortions and his notorious moves away from the microphone have cropped up all over popular culture. In the bonus: he looks like a bizarre cross between Janet Jackson and a cat when he stares into the camera at the end.

2 The Crazy Nasty Ass Honey Badger, 2011

“Oh, the honey badgers are just crazy!” And so are we. We can’t stop giggling to ourselves every time we watch Randall’s lisping assessment of this nasty ass honey badger. If you can hold back your laughs any of the times he says, “Eww,” then you should probably get a job testing tear gas. Like the honey badger of this video, we eat it up whenever we can, and anything thing else that Randall puts out. His YouTube channel (Randalll’s Wild Wild World of Animals) features various other entries from kingdom animalia. But we still love this one best of all, like a honey badger loves bee larva.

1 Charlie Bit My Finger, 2007

Aren’t children cute (and occasionally cannibalistic)? The interaction between these two English brothers, Charlie and Harry, is still the most watched video on YouTube that isn’t from a major recording artist. Understandably so, with the silly cooing of the younger brother and the painful screams of the older brother. This slice of life hilarity still begs one question, though: why, after the first bite, does Harry put his finger into his infant brother’s mouth? That’s just asking for trouble. Still, the face that he makes when Charlie bites him is worth the additional years of college tuition his parents will inevitably have to pay for so Harry can finally get that communications degree.

Wow, those were all way funnier than that one thing that cat did that one time! And now that it’s done, you can get back to your essay or significant other or children or society—or not. But before you do: perhaps you think you’ve got a better inane video that we left off this list. That’s clearly erroneous. We started this list way before midnight (i.e. 11:57). But, if you must, go ahead and cry about the choices (or leaving Britney alone), and maybe it’ll convince people to move your favorite onto our list here. And please, keep it R-rated at the very least — no “Two Girls, One Cup” or “Lemon Party,” please. But first, you can has honorable mentions.

Honorable Mention

Dramatic Chipmunk — Aw, he’s so cute… and DIABOLICAL!

Friday — ‘Cause if you were a spoiled little girl, wouldn’t you have your parents pay for your dumb ass music video?

Nyan Cat — It’s pretty much what you’d expect from a cat made out of Pop-Tarts that poops rainbow.

Zack Hillman sold his soul for rock ’n’ roll, but at least he found a favorable market. Between hoop dreams and guitar orgasms, he managed to graduate from CSU Long Beach with a degree in Creative Writing. And he speaks of the pompitus of love.

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